


Don't ask me how I've been [Don't make me play pretend]

by ordinary_ineffability



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Some Fluff, Some Humor, Song Lyrics, protective Anxiety, whole lotta drama, worried sides
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-17 01:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13648779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordinary_ineffability/pseuds/ordinary_ineffability
Summary: “Thomas, I have brilliant news! I’ve come across a wonderful concept for the next video, and this time I can guarantee it’s original!” Roman enthused, bouncing on the balls of his feet and waving his hands in front of him. Seeing Logan start to open his mouth to respond, he hushed the logical side before carrying on. “We’ve seen that the fans really like getting to know you, and us, more, and everyone knows that music can be very telling on a person’s character.”Following the events of 'Can LYING Be Good??', Thomas and the Sanders have taken a short break to get over what was revealed. However, with a new idea from the creative Side, a new video is planned to try and combat the stress. However, not everyone is as OK as it seems, and a new Side is introduced at possible the worst moment available.One that Virgil had been hoping never to see again.





	1. Roman's New Idea

**Author's Note:**

> So just like everyone else, I've been non-stop screaming since the latest update. And with Roman's comment on 'The Dark Sides', inspiration struck. There are a couple of songs listed, so I'd recommend you give them a listen either during or after the fic if you've not heard them before. They are, in order:
> 
> \- Thank You For The Music - ABBA/Mamma Mia Soundtrack  
> \- Odds Are - Barenaked Ladies  
> \- Fake Happy - Paramore (the cause of this fic tbh)
> 
> I only plan on 2 or 3 parts to this fic, depending on the length of the second part. Still hope you enjoy!

Roman had been the one who had suggested the new Sanders Sides video.

It had been as he was listening to his Musicals playlist on a Sunday afternoon when inspiration had hit. Excited, he’d quickly tugged on his connection to Thomas, getting his attention. Once Thomas had acknowledged him, he called the others, the four rising to appear in Thomas’ living room.

“Hey, Roman! What’s up?” Thomas asked, when everyone had settled into their usual places.

“Thomas, I have brilliant news! I’ve come across a wonderful concept for the next video, and this time I can guarantee it’s original!” Roman enthused, bouncing on the balls of his feet and waving his hands in front of him. 

Seeing Logan start to open his mouth to respond, he hushed the logical side before carrying on. “We’ve seen that the fans really like getting to know you, and us, more, and everyone knows that music can be very telling on a person’s character.”

Thomas hummed in agreement, curiosity sparking in his eyes. Across the room, Logan looked unsure, but Patton looked thrilled.

“OK, so what’s the plan? We choose our favourite songs? Because I’m fairly sure that’s been done before.” Virgil muttered, earning an offended look from Roman and shrugging in response.

“ _No_ , Thirty Seconds to Panic, that’s _not_ the plan.” He retorted, grinning again as he remembered his plan. “The idea would be to use some of the magic of my realm to play music that matches us based on our personalities and feelings! It can go through every known song to pull out the best suited tracks for each of us. As we don’t choose the songs, it will be a sure way to get an unbiased and true reflection on each of us.”

Patton cheered, and even Logan looked approving at the quasi-experiment being suggested. Virgil looked nervous, but as that was his default state Roman ignored it and turned to Thomas with his very best puppy dog eyes.

“Roman… that’s a great idea! It sounds like a lot of fun, and I’d love to know more about all of you.” Thomas agreed, and Roman felt like floating.

“Just... as a thought, given the circumstances of the previous video….” His smile dimmed a little, and he shot Thomas a nervous look. “I thought maybe we could return to the set and… re-write the memories linked to it? Is that going to be OK?”

Thomas looked conflicted, before taking a calming breath. Checking the expressions of the others, he chewed on his lip briefly before nodding at the Prince. Without further ado, Roman pulled the other four into his mindscape, bringing them back to the stage.

-

Rather than being in the seating or backstage, all four sides appeared on the stage itself, with Thomas sitting in the first row of the audience. Virgil immediately shuffled towards the side of the stage, shooting the area a look of distaste. Logan twitched briefly, before settling on a chair towards the back, and Patton looked around in curiosity.

The others had explained the events of Deceit’s introduction to the paternal side after the editing was done, describing the acting and everything it had entailed. Patton had brushed the whole affair off very quickly, laughing at the absurdity of the scenarios and confirming that he’d been baking cookies whilst the others had been putting on the show. He’d only realised that they were filming once the cookies were on the cooling rack and he’d felt a jolt of unease from Thomas.

After the explanations were done, the group had decided to put the events behind them. After all, Deceit had been revealed and quickly chased off by the re-appearance of Morality. Regardless, the others – aside from Patton – had been slightly quieter than normal, the experience shaking them slightly. Honestly, they were beyond grateful that Patton had remained unchanged, as he’d been the one to keep Thomas positive and calm in the weeks that followed.

-

Bringing himself back into the present, Virgil watched as Roman sat on the edge of the stage, grinning and laughing with Patton and looking completely at home. Despite his discomfort, Virgil was happy to see the Prince’s mood lifted by their surroundings. Whilst they’d continued their usual bickering – closer to banter nowadays, Thomas had argued – Roman had been a bit more hesitant, and the unease had successfully unsettled the anxious Side.

But seeing the creative Side in his element, glowing under the stage lights, head tilted back in laughter, Virgil could feel something settle into place. He sighed, and paid attention to the conversation itself.

“So, how this works is I’ll hit play on the speaker over there,” Roman said, “and a song will start to play. We can then take guesses at who the song is being caused by!”

“Do we need to do anything to ensure accuracy with the songs?” Logan asked, “For example, will the selection be affected by our thoughts at the time, or will it be more generally based on our personas?”

“I’m not sure,” Roman admitted, “but that just adds to the excitement!”

“Or the stress.” Virgil muttered, “What if it ends up pulling something we don’t want revealed?”

“Such as what?” Roman questioned, before shooting Virgil a smug look, “unless you’re thinking matters of the heart? Has our human Grumpy Cat found the tune of love being played on his heartstrings?”

Virgil sputtered, hoping desperately that his foundation was hiding the flush the Prince’s words had caused. Before he could think of a retort, Logan unknowingly came to his aid, questioning how tendons of an organ could be used in musical situations and earning him looks of exasperation and fondness from Roman and Patton respectively.

“Anyway,” Roman said, wandering over to the stereo, “let’s get this show on the road! Song number one!”

Flicking the stereo on, the others listened in curiosity as the sound of piano filled the room.

“ _I’m nothing special, in fact I’m a bit of a bore,_ ” the song began and, as one, the other four turned to face Roman. He sputtered indignantly, as the song continued,

“ _If I tell a joke, you’ve probably heard it before. But I have a talent, a wonderful thing, ‘cause everyone listens when I start to sing! I’m so grateful and proud – all I want is to sing it out loud. So I say…_ ”

Unable to hold his disgruntled expression, Roman burst into song with the chorus, happily singing with the rest of the tune as it played through. Patton joined in with the second verse, and Thomas ended up joining the impromptu karaoke session before the end. The trio grinned as they ended the song, with the other two smiling at the others’ happiness. Logan and Virgil shared a glance, before focusing back on the other two Sides who were comparing the best songs from Mamma Mia.

Virgil had to fight back a laugh at the soft look on Logan’s face as he watched Patton dance along the stage to Roman’s giggly rendition of 'Dancing Queen'. He and the logical Side had ended up having a very awkward conversation soon after the Nostalgia videos, with each of them pointing out the obvious crush that they each had on one of the others. Since then, however, the two had grown closer and often had conversations about the ridiculousness that the objects of their affections caused.

Once the others had settled down, Roman pressed a button on the stereo and the sounds of guitar filled the room.

_“Struck by lightning, sounds pretty frightening, but you know the chances are so small. Stuck by a bee sting, nothing but a B-thing, better chance you’re gonna bite it at the mall.”_

“Virgil?” Roman asked, earning himself a glare from the anxious Side. The song continued, with the others all trying to work out who it signified. The next line almost immediately confirmed the Side it related to.

_“But it’s a twenty-three four-to-one that you can fall in love by the end of this song. So get up, get up, tell the bookie put a bet on ‘not a damn thing will go wrong’! The odds are that we will probably be alright!”_

Logan froze in place as Virgil and Roman shot him amused looks. Patton hummed along, oblivious, and Virgil found himself privately both relieved that Logan’s secret hadn’t been made obvious to the one person it was kept from, and unsurprised that Roman had clearly also known about Logan’s crush.

The rest of the song passed in a similar manner, with Patton guessing that the song was Logan’s but – thankfully – seemingly not recognising it was describing Logan’s affections. Again, there was a pause between the songs as the others chatted about the song, and then it was time to go again.

The song that played with Roman pressed play started sounding cheerful, but the lyrics proved a different story.

_“I been doing a good job of makin' 'em think, I'm quite alright, but I hope I don't blink. You see its easy when I'm stomping on a beat,but no one sees me when I crawl back underneath.”_

“Wow, this isn’t a smiley song!” Patton chirped, “It’s pretty gloomy despite the music!”

Virgil fought a growl as he felt Roman’s eyes land on him again. He knew the song, but whilst he related to some of Paramore’s lyrics this wasn’t one that matched him.

“This isn’t me.” He said, pointing at the stereo as the bridge started to play.

_“If I smile with my teeth, bet you believe me. If I smile with my teeth, I think I believe me!”_

“I don’t fake smiles, Drama King, I don’t smile at all.” He added as the chorus began to play, watching Roman’s expression change from smugness to uncertainty.

_“Oh please don't ask me how I've been! Don't make me play pretend - Oh no, oh what's the use? Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too.”_

“So if it isn’t Virgil… who _is_ the cause for this song?” Logan asked, gazing around them in confusion. Patton shrugged, Roman muttered under his breath, and Virgil… froze. He could almost feel the eyeshadow under his eyes darken, as a chilling realisation hit him.

“Thomas…” he called out, “how are you feeling, right now?”

Thomas made a noise of confusion, and the other Sides turned to face him. Virgil fought the urge to tug his hood up, and instead repeated himself. “How are you feeling?”

“I…” Thomas paused, frowning, “I’m not sure?”

“Think, Thomas, what emotion is top of the list? What are you feeling? This is _important_ , Thomas, how _are_ you?!” He demanded, purposefully ramping up the anxiety level as he pushed.

“I- I’m _happy_!” Thomas blurted out in a panic, and Virgil felt ice run through his veins. He’d thought everything was OK, but something had been at the back of his mind and he’d now put his finger on it.

Spinning on his heel, he stormed over and grabbed Patton by the shoulders. “What are you doing?!”

“Woah, kiddo! What’re you on about?” Patton exclaimed, eyes wide in concern but that smile – that damned grin – still clinging in place.

_Fake._

_**Lying.** _

“You know it’s OK to not be OK – so why are you forcing a smile?” he demanded, noticing one of the stage lights behind him start to flicker in the background. The others still seemed lost, but understanding dawned as Virgil added, “Stop pretending you’re fine, Patton! Stop _lying_ to us!”

Before Patton could respond, the flickering stage light died, plunging the side of the stage in darkness. The others flinched, Logan and Roman taking a step towards the others, and Virgil instinctively pushed Patton behind him, towards the others.

“What’s happening?” Thomas asked, voice shaky, and Virgil glanced behind him to meet Roman’s eyes.

He kept the other’s gaze, even as he replied to the question. “You know what’s happening, you’ve already worked it out. Thomas, we need to leave right now.”

“No you don’t,” a painfully familiar voice called out from the dark.

“We know you’re there, Deceit, so cut the dramatics.” Roman yelled, and Virgil heard Patton make a choked noise behind him.

“Of course, I really should leave dramatics to you, Roman.” Deceit purred, stepping into the light slowly. “After all, you’re so very talented.”

“Thank y- wait. _Damn it_.”

“What do you want?” Thomas asked, cautious.

“Oh, I don’t want anything. I’m only here to say hello.” Deceit replied, before pausing. “Well, that and to introduce you to someone, Thomas. Wouldn’t that be lovely? You’d love to meet another side, right?” His serpentine eye glittered in the light, causing Virgil’s heartrate to increase as familiar panic began to build up.

“I mean… I don’t know.” Thomas stuttered, curiosity fighting with worry. He sighed, and to Virgil’s dismay said “Alright, yes. Who is it?”

The room’s temperature seemed to drop, and the next light began to flicker. Absently, Virgil registered the sound of Roman unsheathing his sword, and felt Patton cling to the back of his hoodie.

Dread filled the anxious Side, and he realised who it was before they even spoke. “No…”

“Hello, Virgil. Long time, no see.”


	2. Hello Darkness, my old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new Side is brought up, and things take a turn for the Dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, I'm losing it at the positive response to chapter one! There'll only be one chapter left after this one, I think, but words can't describe how happy I am that people are enjoying this.   
> Things get angsty in this one, and I attempt dialogue, so let me know what you think!
> 
> Onwards to the character reveal!

The Side that appeared barely looked like Thomas. Shadows seemed to swirl around him, leaving his body obscured and unstable. His hair was styled back and darker than any of the other Sides’. The most unsettling part, however, were his eyes. Rather than Thomas’ warm brown tones, the eyes of the side appearing from the darkness were dark as the shadows surrounding him.

It was a side Virgil had hoped he’d never face again.

“Fear,” he snarled, “what are you doing in the mindscape?”

“Well I could ask you the same, Anxiety. Really, though, is that any way to greet your big brother?” the shadowed form replied. Virgil heard a gasp and felt Patton’s grip on his hoodie tighten.

“What does he mean?” Thomas asked, “aren’t you all technically parts of me? How can you be Virgil’s brother?”

“Well,” Fear drawled, “everyone knows that Anxiety is just a weaker form of Fear.”

“You didn’t answer my question. And you’re _not_ my brother.” Virgil countered.

Fear sighed, and the next stage light began to flicker off. “Now really, Anxiety, you should have worked it out already. You guessed with the song, after all.” The darker Side grinned, but there was nothing cheerful about it. “But if I truly must explain my appearance, very well. Someone’s been lying about how they feel, and as part of that,” tilting his head, his gaze focused behind Virgil as he drawled, “that someone’s been hiding some pretty big fears. Aren’t I right, Patton dear?”

There were a series of gasps behind him, and something… shifted.

_“Patton?!”_ Thomas called out, voice high in panic.

Virgil glanced over his shoulder, only to blink when the paternal Side’s face wasn’t there. He felt the grip on his hoodie shaking, and slowly looked down. A child with a familiar pair of glasses stared back at him, eyes wide and shining with tears.

“… _Patton?_ ”

“Virge – _Virge_ , I’m-I’m scared!” the boy – Patton, Virgil realised with a jolt – wailed, tears overflowing and body trembling in fright.

“What did you do to him? Leave him alone!” Virgil cried, whirling to face Fear again.

In response, Fear merely laughed. “Patton here has been very scared for a while, though he tried hard to keep it from you all. He couldn’t keep that terror from me. After all, how long did it take you all to notice he wasn’t with you? How important is he, really, if he could be replaced?”

Patton sobbed behind him, and Virgil thought his heart would break into pieces at the noise.

Fear, on the contrary, just grinned wider. “Nothing like some good old terror to bring out the inner scared child, am I right? However, best to keep Thomas himself out of this. Back you go, while the grown-ups have a talk.” With that, he snapped his fingers, and Thomas vanished.

“Where did he go?!” Roman yelled, furious, “If you’ve hurt him-“

“Hush, Princey. Thomas is fine, he’s taking a timeout whilst we have a little chat. After all, I can’t hurt him – at least, not here. Not that he knows any different, but we’ll keep that between ourselves, shall we?”

Deceit, to one side, hummed. “This isn’t interesting at all…” he said, eyes glittering at the shaking image of Morality.

“Falsehood!” Logan called out, drawing everyone’s attention. “Morality, and Patton by default, are core aspects of any person’s character, especially in Thomas’ case. We were deceived, initially, but now that Thomas holds knowledge over you the chances of a second attempt succeeding are much smaller. Even if we were to be tricked again, there wouldn’t be any detrimental effect on Patton’s existence. To use a quote from Nelson Mandela, ‘The greatest glory in living-‘”

Looking bored, Fear snapped his fingers and Logan… froze. To the others’ horror, he stuttered on the last word as if glitching, and colour seemed to slowly fade from the logical Side. “Ah, Logan. So determined to be the voice of reason for this freakshow.” Fear called out.

“Such a shame that you had to interfere. You were bruised by the comments made by dear Deceit, with your own doubts rising from them ever since. After all,” he smirked, “what’s the point when you’re so disconnected from the others you don’t recognise the change in the one you’ve developed those so-inconvenient ‘feelings’ for? If you couldn’t see that, what else could you be missing? The unfortunate thing is that fears aren’t often logical. They have a nasty habit of making a mind go… _blank_.”

His attention went back to Patton, who was staring at Logan in horror. “Now look what you’ve done, Morality. You’ve gone and got your dear Logic hurt because you lied. He’s going to fade and it’ll be all your fault! Oh, and poor Thomas, too! Remember how scared you made him? You're his emotions, after all.”

“Leave. Them. Alone.” Virgil growled, instinctively pulling Patton against his side. The boy clung desperately to Virgil’s waist, sobbing harder as Fear’s words had their desired effect.

Roman, who’d been waving a hand in front of Logan and trying to break him out of the trance, drew his sword and stepped towards the others. “That’s enough from you, foul creature!” he cried, “Perhaps you were brought up by the others, but you’ve always been weaker than us.”

Fear looked annoyed for a second, before the expression faded back into smug amusement. “Oh, of course, the prince in shining tunic makes his appearance, valiantly trying to save the day. But the fear doesn’t belong to those two alone, and we both know it.”

Behind him, Deceit chuckled. “Such a brave, clever Prince. So loved and adored by his audience…”

“Ignore him, Roman, he’s trying to get to you!” Virgil called out, shooting the creative Side a worried look at the lack of response. The prince was staring at the empty seats in front of the stage, a faraway look in his eyes. “Roman!”

“Of course, I’m being perfectly honest! I was wrong before, Logan’s not the favourite. Everyone loves the _actor_ , the one always at the centre of the room.” Deceit crooned, causing Roman to flinch.

Before he could register it, Virgil found himself hissing. Deceit looked a little taken aback but Fear just hummed. “How precious, brother. I can see this weakling especially caught your attention. You always did have that pointless interest in the idea of hope. But that’s enough time wasted on the pointless aspects. I’m not here for Patton, Anxiety.”

“Then what are you planning, Fear? What’s the point of all this?” Virgil asked, fighting the panic he could feel battling to take control.

“Thomas has been controlled by these foolish Sides for too long. He’s weaker, run by emotion and questions, when he could be so much stronger running under me.” His smile returned, and he looked almost hopeful as he extended a hand to the anxious Side. “But we’ll need you to finish this, brother dear.”

“Me?”

“Of course! You push Thomas to make his decisions, once you’re pushing him under my guidance he’ll be able to make the right decisions without any opposing inputs, making him much more efficient. And the more efficient he is, the less stress and anxiety he’ll need to feel. You’ll be helping him, protecting him, just as you wanted to.”

“You’ve always done so well with protecting him, Anx.” Deceit added, a saccharine smile in place even as his reptilian eye glimmered.

“I _have_ been protecting him.”

“Have you, really?” Fear asked. “Were you protecting him when you walked away, tried to hide under the covers because you finally realised the others would never accept you? Were you helping during the fallout of his last relationship? Were you protecting him when Deceit here made an appearance?”

Virgil found the cruel whispers at the back of his mind gaining volume as they agreed with the dark Side’s words. He shook it off, turning a venomous glare on the other two.

“And how would letting him be controlled by fear of the world around him be protecting him? He’d become paranoid and cut himself from all positivity for fear it’d bite him. No dice, I’m not joining you. I’d rather fade than help you!”

There was silence as the others took in his words. For a moment, he believed that his determined tone had caused the other two to reconsider. But the silence was broken by Fear, who sighed tiredly.

“Oh, Anxiety… I’d really hoped you’d be smart enough to make the right decision. But, you’ve left me no choice.”

He snapped his fingers again, and everything went darker around the edges.

“ _ **Come here**_.”


	3. Darkest Before the Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety vs the Dark Sides - who will win?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry for the delay! Work this week was pretty rough, and it left me super drained - but! It's now complete, and I hope this closing chapter makes up for that delay!
> 
> Once again, thank you to everyone for the kudos and especially the comments! It's been pretty overwhelming, and I'm so happy that people have enjoyed my work. Once again, if you wanna chat, I can be found on Tumblr as @thegoodshipotp.
> 
> Onwards, to the thrilling conclusion!

 

> _“Oh, Anxiety… I’d really hoped you’d be smart enough to make the right decision. But, you’ve left me no choice.”_
> 
> _He snapped his fingers again, and everything went darker around the edges._
> 
> _**“Come here.”** _

-

Virgil’s mind began to blur at the words. Distantly, he registered that his foot had shuffled forwards. Had it always been so cold? Were the lights always this dim?

Sparks were flying at the back of his mind, recognising the situation he was in and panicking, fight-or-flight desperately trying to kick in. However, it felt like he was underwater, being pulled along by an invisible tide. There was a disconnect between his thoughts and his actions, and without wanting to he took another half-step towards the darker Side.

Until something tugged on his hoodie.

“…il!  _Virge!_ ” the sound of Patton sobbing felt like an anchor, pulling his mind back into the present even as it made his own eyes sting.

Blinking hard, he forced himself to turn around, to meet Morality’s wide, terrified eyes. “…Pat?”

The child sniffled, small frame shuddering as he weakly pulled on Virgil’s hoodie again. “Don’t g-go, Virge. Plea-“ another sob, “Please don’t leave me behind! I don’t want you to go with him!  _Please_  don’t go away again!”

A hissing sound picked up in the darkness behind him, and Patton whimpered, using his other arm to hide his face. Further along the stage, Logan had gone silent, all colour faded apart from his blue tie. Roman had settled on the floor at some point in the conversation, gaze vacant and expression pained.

The spark of panic exploded into a blaze of fury, the protectiveness he felt over the others burning through him brighter than a forest fire. How _dare_  these Sides try to bring down the others? How  _dare_  they threaten Thomas? How  _dare_  they scare Patton, silence Logan, hurt Roman?

They’d gone too far the minute they tried to damage the others, damage  _Thomas_ , and he wouldn’t stand for it a second longer. His job was to protect everyone from danger, and since flight was off the cards…

It was suddenly much easier to move, the controlling grip of Fear slipping further from his mind by the second. Ignoring the darker two, he crouched in front of Patton, swallowing hard before placing a hand on top of the boy’s head. Gently, he began to card his fingers through the other Sides hair, ruffling it gently as the paternal Side had done to him before.

“It’s OK, Pat.. I’m not going anywhere. I promise you I’m staying here, with you. Can you look at me?” he asked quietly, smiling as the other’s eyes met his. “That’s it, good job buddy. Now, keep your eyes on me, OK? Ignore everything else and focus. Think you can do that for me?”

Hesitantly, Patton nodded, one hand moving to cling to the front of Virgil’s hoodie.

“There we go, you’re doing really well. Now, Patton… Do you remember the conversation we had? Back at your room?”

Another nod.

“Then do you remember what I said about feelings? You’re scared right now, and that’s alright. It’s OK to feel scared and overwhelmed, but I need you to be brave for me, so we can help the others. Do you remember what I said would help? After Roman talked about grieving? Being self-aware…?”

Patton took a shaky breath, before repeating the phrase. “Being self-aware of what you’re feeling, and… non-judgmental, in the face of those feelings.” He rubbed at his eyes again, already looking calmer. “Knowing that… they’re normal.”

Virgil ruffled his hair again, feeling his eyes burn even as pride and joy flooded through him. “ _Exactly_. It’s perfectly OK to feel fear, so long as you acknowledge that you do. And acknowledging that you’re scared takes some of that fear’s power away from you.”

He looked over Patton’s shoulder at Logan, and the paternal Side followed his gaze. “Fear can’t control rational thought, it can only try to silence it.” Virgil continued, glad to see that Patton’s crying had stopped as he registered the anxious Side’s words.

“But silencing only works if your emotions are too wild to let logical thought through. Once you calm yourself down…”

Before their eyes, Logan slowly began to gain colours again. The silence changed back to stuttered noises, and into words, and Virgil had never been happier to hear Logan’s voice as when he said, “’in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall’… did-did I miss something?”

“ _Logan!_ ” Patton cried out, more tears falling even as he grinned. 

“What’s going on? I don’t understand, what are you-“ Fear’s voice cut through briefly, but was ignored as all eyes turned to the creative Side.

“…Roman?” Patton called out, nervously. Logan and Virgil shared a worried look as the other Side remained motionless.

Logan approached him quietly, glancing back at the others and continuing to ignore Fear’s muttering. “It would help if you could explain what I appear to have missed.” He said, resting a hand on Roman’s shoulder.

“Deceit did his thing.” Virgil growled, causing the logical Side to nod in understanding.

“Then my guess would be that he’s being controlled by those uncertainties. After all, fear is a very regular cause of writer’s block and other negative effects on creative process. So in order to reverse the effect on Roman, I believe we need to tackle the uncertainties themselves.” Logan summarised, before glancing back at Virgil. “What was used against him?”

“That he’s brave, and that people love him.” Patton replied quietly, startling the other two. Whilst not back to normal, he seemed to have aged, now being closer to a teenager than a child. Rather than looking scared, he looked nervously determined. “Both of which are true! But... how do we show him? Virgil?”

Taking a steadying breath, Virgil stood up and made his way over to Roman’s side, Patton following. “We remind him.” He answered, settling next to the creative Side. The other two followed suit, with Patton taking an extra step and leaning against Roman’s back.

“Roman, buddy, can you hear us?” Patton asked, swallowing at the lack of response before continuing. “Hey, remember when you were in my room and I showed you the Golden Apple? Remember how scared you’d been when Thomas was preparing for the first performance? But you picked up the courage, you went out there with him – and not only did you wow the audience, Thomas won an  _award_! That was on  _you_ , Roman. You and your creative flair that Thomas relies on.”

Silence, and then – a twitch. Patton gasped, hugging Roman and continuing, “And don’t forget the pasta I made you for Secret Santa! I wasn’t kidding when I said the secret ingredient was love. I love you to bits, you’re so very important. We love you, Roman, and we want you back.”

Logan sat upright suddenly, recognition flickering across his face. “Did we not already cover your placement in Gryffindor as a house? Gryffindors are described in nature as bold, and with the imagery of lions as part of their symbolism the concept of bravery is tied heavily with your chosen house. And if we’re considering the concept of being ‘ _loved_ ’…” here Logan trailed off awkwardly, before shaking himself, adjusting his tie and continuing, “Whilst I still find the cover of it ridiculous, the story you wrote for my Secret Santa present was greatly engaging, and, well. Whilst I generally prefer works of non-fiction… I will admit that it has become one of my favourite books to read on days where I don’t feel as… clever. I wish to thank you, for that, Roman. I… I love it, and you.”

Another twitch, stronger this time, gave the three Sides a surge of hope. Realising it was his turn, Virgil thought carefully about what to say, and after some internal debate cleared his throat.

“You and I… we didn’t get off to a good start. Things were rough, we’d argue over everything and there were times where we said things we didn’t mean. I recognise that now, even if I didn’t back then.” He chewed his thumb briefly, psyching himself up for the next part.

“I know you didn’t originally choose to enter my room when I vanished but… You stayed. You stayed in the room, past your comfort zone, to make sure that I came back with you. I’d say that’s pretty brave, Sing-a-Lot.”

One of Roman’s shoulders shifted, and he blinked. Desperately, Virgil found himself placing a hand on Roman’s arm, hoping that the next words would be enough. “And… I know I don’t say it, don’t always show it, but… I couldn’t imagine any Sanders Sides video without you. Your talent, and bravery, and determination to push Thomas towards his dreams… it’s blinding. Patton is Thomas’ warmth, Princey, but you… You’re his  _light_. You’re-“ he inhaled sharply, before giving voice to his thoughts, “Your  _my_  light, Roman.”

Ignoring the stunned looks from the other two Sides, and the silence from the darker pair, Virgil leant forward and pressed his trembling lips against Roman’s temple. He closed his eyes, willing the tears forming to stay back, and willed himself to breathe. “Come back to us… come back to me, _please_.”

“… _Virgil?_ ”

“Roman!” the trio cheered, Virgil leaning back as Patton – now back in his usual form – tackle-hugged the creative Side from the back. The other Side laughed, reaching up to grab at Morality’s arms.

“Roman, I am… relieved, to see you focused again.” Logan admitted, awkwardly fiddling with his tie again as he tried to keep his usual persona up. With another chuckle, Roman tugged him into a brief hug, grinning at the flustered noises made by the logical Side at the contact.

Once he released Logan again, Roman’s attention turned to Virgil. Before any words could be exchanged, however, there was a shriek to one side as one of dimmed stage lights flickered back onto full beam. The group turned to see Fear taking a step back, shadows rippling around him. Deceit was no longer grinning, a shaken look on his face.

Before either Side could say a word, Virgil stood and paced towards them. “I think you’d better leave, don’t you?” he asked, tone distorting as anger flooded into him again. Unsurprisingly, Fear didn’t respond to the tone, instead glaring back at the anxious Side.

“Do you really think your precious touchy-feely moment is enough to  _stop me_ , Anxiety?” he asked, “Much as you’ve fought against my influence, you’re all still scared. Terrified, of what I’ve done, what I’m doing – what I  _could do_. I am the ruler of the Dark Sides, and your protective streak can’t stand against my strength.”

“But what if you’re not as strong as you thought? What if your powers have started to fade as Thomas has learned more about himself? What if this even damages your hold on the Dark Sides – what would they say, think, seeing your attempt of control fail?” Virgil asked, the side of his mouth tilting up into a smirk.  

The other’s expression flickered briefly, before the dark grin made a reappearance. “Ah, now, little brother. I know how you work, and that little trick won’t fly here.”

“Perhaps it won’t,” Virgil countered, “but that’s not the point, is it?” He waved a hand behind him, at the other Sides. “Because you aren’t as strong, not any more. You gain power by causing the rest of us to fear, but being fearful and being controlled by fear are two separate things.”

Meeting the eyes of the darker Side, Virgil smiled. “I acknowledge you, Fear. But I won’t be controlled by you, and I won’t accept that you have any power over me. I am my own Side, and I’m a key part of Thomas’ personality. Thomas has anxiety… but he’s not controlled by it. And because of that, he can never be controlled by you. You’ve lost...  ** _‘brother’._** ”

“You’re a Dark Side, like us! You’ll  _always_  be the dark Side of Thomas’ mind, the villain!” Fear yelled, eyes wild and shadows flickering around him. “They’ll never accept you! They’ll never truly understand and one day they’ll throw you back into the dark with us, where you  _belong_!”

“No they won’t.” Virgil replied in an even tone. “They don’t have to understand me, just the role that I play. And that’s enough for me.”

“ ** _Lies!_** ” Fear screeched, but Deceit remained silent, eyes wide. The lights glowed ever brighter, causing Fear to cry out and cover his face.

Virgil felt hands on him, not needing to look back to know that the others were stood with him. The steady grip on his shoulder, Logan’s ever-calming presence seeping into him. Patton’s hand on his arm, squeezing gently and helping him to breathe easier, somehow.

And Roman’s palm, resting firmly against the small of his back, thumb rubbing absently against his spine and causing butterflies in his stomach but a light in his chest.

It felt as if every light in the room flicked on at once, blinding the others and leaving nowhere for shadows to remain.

With a final cry of “ ** _This isn’t over!_** ”, Fear faded through the floorboards, running from the overwhelming glare.

Deceit stood silently, taking in the situation around him. He sneered at the four once he noticed their attention had turned to him again, and rolled his shoulders back. “You may have thought you’ve defeated Fear’s plans, but you’ve actually played right into his hands!”

Silence. Then, before any of the others could respond, Virgil hummed in thought.

“Sorry,” he drawled, “who are you again?”

“You… You don’t know who I am!” Deceit replied, looking offended.

“You’re right! I don’t – do I know you?” Hearing a chuckle from behind him, Virgil’s smile widened. “I suppose you look kinda familiar?” he continued, “I dunno, maybe it’s the nose?”

Behind him, Patton lost it completely and started giggling.

“Oh how very  _clever_  of you, Anxiety, you’re such a  _funny guy_.” Deceit sneered, only to falter as Virgil snapped his fingers.

“Oh, I know you! Retreat, right?”

“Wha-  _no!_ ”

“No? Oh, of course, it’s Discreet!”

Roman snorted.

“That’s not- I mean-“

“Oh, no, of course, I remember now. Sorry about the confusion,  _Defeat_. Man, it must be pretty rough for you, huh?”

“My name is-“ Deceit choked, eyes blowing wide as he realised the situation.

“Your name is…?”

“It’s- I- This is the last time you’ll see me, Anxiety!” he snarled, before vanishing.

There was a pause, before the others were suddenly cheering as one.

“That’s my boy!”

“Absolutely brilliant, with that – what’s the term-”

“I’m so proud of you kiddo!”

“I need – oh, yes, ‘ _dragging him_ ’. You ‘ _dragged_ ’ him good, ‘ _fahm_ ’!”

“Amazing as ever, our Dark and Stormy Knight.”

Virgil felt his face burning equally in embarrassment and delight at the praise, but before he could say anything back he felt himself wobble as he was hit with light-headedness. He waved off the noises of concern from the others, swallowing a few times before forcing out, “…Thomas is awake, and he’s kinda… stressing, right now.”

Logan and Patton shared a glance, before turning to face the other two. “We’ll go check on Thomas, let him know everything’s A-OK! But I’m a little worried about you, kiddo – you put a lot of effort in back there, and you don’t look too well either.” Patton said, pressing the back of his hand against Virgil’s forehead.

The anxious Side’s eyes fluttered closed at the contact, feeling the exhaustion that often followed his panic attacks kicking in. He was just trying to vocalise that he’d be OK when Roman spoke up.

“Never to fear, Padre, I’ll escort Virgil to the common room, get him a drink and a snack. You go to Thomas, he’ll need his Logic and Morality there.”

The other two quickly agreed, vanishing, and Roman kept to his promise by slowly guiding Virgil to the common room of the mindscape. Once he’d settled the anxious Side onto a sofa and grabbed the promised drink and snack, Virgil was surprised by Roman settling next to him, throwing a blanket over him and turning the TV on.

At the look, Roman shrugged. “We’ve both had a trying day, and I thought you’d enjoy a rest and something to watch. What’d you feel up to? Nightmare Before Christmas? The Black Cauldron?”

Virgil shrugged, hoping that his foundation was hiding the blush forming on his cheeks. “Honestly? I’d kinda be up for a… happier Disney film... maybe Enchanted?” He replied, awkwardly leaning back on the sofa.

He nearly jolted up again at the feeling of Roman’s arm around his shoulders, but glancing at the creative Side showed that he was focusing on bringing the film up. The only sign that there was something different in the seating arrangement was a light dusting of pink on his cheeks.

Feeling brave, Virgil slowly did what he’d been dreaming of doing for weeks, and shuffled to lean against Roman’s side, curled under his arm. Roman tensed briefly, but before Virgil could overthink things and panic, the tension was gone and the prince’s arm wrapped more securely around him, fingers slowly drawing patterns on his side.

Somewhere between the verses of ‘That’s How You Know’, Virgil felt himself drifting off, tiredness pulling him towards rest even as he fought to stay awake and treasure the moment. He vaguely registered movement before his head was pressed against Roman’s chest, ear resting just over the creative Side’s heart. The soothing pulse of the heartbeat, along with the scent of wildflowers and petrichor were enough to ease him into sleep, and the last thing he registered before dozing off was the soft press of lips against his hair and Roman humming along to the song’s chorus. 

**Author's Note:**

> Also, please feel free to come scream at me on Tumblr, I'm [@thegoodshipotp](http://www.thegoodshipotp.tumblr.com)


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